The Love Story - The Final Word
THE FINAL WORD
Present: As I prepare for my return trip to London, I flick
through upcoming walks on Meetup hoping I might join one during my stay, when I
come across a picture of him from a recent event. A woman, his latest
girlfriend I suspect, leans into him smiling contentedly. She seems happy. He
looks mildly distressed and lost in contemplation. I suspect he needs to tell
her something but he is too afraid.
He’s done it again.
The Parisian Doctor and I didn’t work out. We did go for lunch and
it was all very exciting but I don’t think I was quite ready and there was that
niggling feeling that I was being catfished.
After Paris, we met up a few more times for walks and drinks where
he persistently asked me about “the Doctor”.
I wondered whether it was jealousy or zealousness to have me attached so
that I might make a trajectory out of his orbit. I think the latter.
Sipping Pinot Grigio at Gordon’s wine bar near Charing Cross
station one afternoon, he confessed that he was resolved to never have a great
love again and that the one woman he could see himself in a relationship with
was D with whom he had been friends for many years. She, of course, is
completely unaware of how he feels.
If he was hoping for a bigger impact, he missed the mark. I see
his revelation for what it is, the culmination of a string of behaviours over
recent weeks attempting to push me away without having to say the actual words.
The longer response times in messaging, the purposeful deterioration in his
appearance, and then finally not including me in his birthday celebrations. I
see it all yet feign ignorance, willing him to be courageous enough to say the
actual words…he never does.
I tell him that we are all capable of another “great love” and
that he should most certainly reveal his feelings to D. Until he does, he is
lying to himself, to her and to any other woman he might ever be with.
He doesn’t respond.
A change of scenery and a new start beckon. I travel to Ardent in the French Alps where I will spend a
remarkable few weeks of contemplation and growth and where I began to write
this story.
I believe you meet people for a reason and this was never more
apparent to me than here in Ardent where I met women who encouraged me to act
in a way that would change my life forever.
These women helped reveal in me, the courage and strength that I
hold within myself. They urged me to sever the relationship completely. Not
just release my affection and love but a clean and brutal break. With a new
sense of confidence and control, I write him a letter outlining my feelings.
How I love him but that I am breaking away. I post the letter and email him to
say it’s on the way then unfriend, unfollow and release him from all of my
social accounts. One of us needed the courage to do it and in the end, it came
down to me.
I have not heard from him since.
In this time apart, I have not missed him at all. I have not
pined. I have not regretted this decision in the slightest. On the contrary,
I’ve never felt so strong and innately happy in all my life. The woman who went into this
relationship was naïve, gentle, loving, and excitable. Who came out was a
strong, wise, confident woman knowing that she was capable of love but that did
not have to lose herself within the relationship to hold onto it.
My remarkable journey takes me to some incredible places around Europe where the chance meeting of one person led to another person and another place. I am compelled to write about this revelatory journey in a travel journal style complete with my photography. Meanwhile, I’m heading back to my source of inspiration, to London, to write it. Wish me luck. N x
P.S. I never did get the
full $500 that I was owed. So much for always paying his debts.
P.S.S. As of this day, one of my sons and I are reunited. Sadly, the other two cannot seem to get past the pain and suffering they endured as children in our abusive household. Sometimes it initially seems easier to blame others for your pain, though, in the end, you are the only person who suffers. They will come to realise this in time. Until then, to my young adults, I love you. Mum x
Read from the beginning here..
THE AUTHOR
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